Field Notes & a Failure to Thrive

Feverlight

(After Poe)

Exhaustion leaves my limbs resting,
fever perspires—caressing my forehead.
My journals on the nightstand,
pen clutched like a weapon,
blessed robe where last it hung.

A shadow in the distance—
billowing thunder gathers the wind in,
until the frames shake and howl.
Weary from travel, a cough took pleasure in a rattle,
and in my swelling chest began knocking on my rib cage.

Each shadow growing longer,
a field mouse scurries yonder.
I wonder if it’s my imagination,
or dreams slinking down the hall.

My robe tie flickers across the bow of my bed frame—
a chill tracing my flesh made me scream.
At the edge, my toes retreat,
to tangle themselves in sheets,
as the mouse—teeth gnashing, eyes lit and flashing—
drags a blush ribbon dancing toward hell.

Come, take this fever with you;
go back through the depths you came through,
and wreak havoc on this body no more.

Yet it ignored my pleas,
and went on with its thieving,
to claim a ring settling on the nightstand.

Glaring without admission,
the bleak creature of my imagination
would not break its stare from me.

This kiss of death upon my temple,
and his malice of torture,
coupled with the knocking—causing gasping—
will be the undoing of this mind.

My pills in their bottle—
I drown them to dull the horror,
and wait for mercy to find me.

When I wake, low clouds linger;
my ring sits upon my finger,
and a robe ribbon lies across my knee.
A songbird at my window,
a coolness to my temple—
leaves me in good company.

Dear reader: 9 days in Ireland followed by 15 days of bed rest at home from a virus I can’t shake and a rogue field mouse. If you can’t make poetry out of that, what can you do?! Happy almost Halloween! I’ll be back soon.

Field Notes & a Failure to Thrive

Love Letters in a Murmuration

An Inauguration of Autumn

Joy sings rays from golden horizon,

Crimson leaves decay into dust.

Mountain peaks tease a yawn, ready for slumber,

steady a breathy song.

Breathe in—two, three. Out—two, three.

Garden keepers spin a grand finale,

in letters with infinite love,

gathering dew drops for nests of writers—

the ones who carry on.

Webs dangle from pinecone to branches,

roots tremble and bow,

for autumn’s inauguration is crowned

by curly dock’s tender rosette.

In banks are hollows of rations:

hazelnut, hickory, persimmons.

Squirrels bury and scurry,

a sermon of nature.

Was it eight or nine trips by now?

On nimble vines black bears seek

shrivels of mulberries, off-cast by starlings,

who leap like rivers over boulders,

across puffed plumes in a white haze of black murmurations.

Twenty, sixty times—more maybe?

Curling from chimneys, oak fuels warmth,

steam cashmere of lips to lips.

My bones curled up into his,

our porch a theater.

The film—a day like this.

Field Notes & a Failure to Thrive

Field Notes & a Failure to Thrive

The season that almost didn’t bloom—and the messy, magical way it still might.

The season began with late frosts and even later downpours. Seedlings nearly drowned in the muck while I slogged through chaos daily, searching for any sign of life. For the first time in farm history, the main source of floral happiness came from the kingdom of Dahlias. A huge, newly built garden bed surrounded by a beautiful white fence, full of more Dahlias than I had room to grow. Flower boxes lined the way, and a vibrant Pretty Polly rose bush was tucked into a massive pot I’d rescued from Aldi like a floral Cinderella.

Despite my reluctance and deep disdain—for Frank—I bought a twelve-foot above-ground pool. My neighbor smiled and said how happy she was to see Nikolai getting something fun this summer. I had to bite my tongue not to laugh. “This isn’t for him,” I told her. “It’s for the plants.” She was baffled. Possibly concerned. That’s fair. But thanks to my bestie, the WidowCall Pond is now full of magic where dragonflies tail you through the garden like loyal hounds, and frogs smaller than thimbles perch like royalty on taro leaves (often mistaken for elephant ears, which, fun fact, are actually poisonous). Because nothing says “welcome to the garden” like a plant that wants to kill you.

The lotus were late. The zinnias and cosmos were stunted. Over one hundred and fifty florals planted this year didn’t go as planned and neither did my body. Doctor visits and hospital bills are already a familiar part of my life, but this time it’s fevers and infections, too. The garden is wild. The weeding is out of control. And maybe that’s okay. (It’s not. I’m lying. I’m livid.) I stare out the bedroom window at the Monet Garden—aka Dahlia Kingdom—burning up with fever and fuming that I can’t fix it. Yet.

Still, the farm has its own rhythm. One day the field looks lifeless and I rage-clean my room just to feel like something’s in my control. A few days later, I walk out again and something tiny has bloomed. Buds, sprouts, and signs of resilience. I don’t know what this year will bring. But it’s stirring.

The boat pond is unfinished, but the greenhouse? Ohhh, she’s a sanctuary. A coliseum. A love letter from my husband made real. Is it finished? No. Is it breathtaking? Undeniably. Even my farrier was stunned when she visited. The stained glass isn’t installed yet—Rob had to order a DIY glass cutter and learn by failing (and nearly slicing his finger off). We had to hire hands to help lift the massive six-foot panels into place. Watching it happen, I white-knuckled my way through the entire process. There were moments I had to look away. Not from lack of faith—just from the sheer terror of impalement. You’ve never seen romance until you’ve seen a man defy death for architectural whimsy.

The French doors are open. The light is impeccable. One of my besties gifted me several outrageously large workbenches, the biggest I’ve ever seen (which now also need a small team to move). There’s much to do before winter, and the greenhouse is already threatening to overflow. I’ve got teacups to turn into bird feeders, a thrifted pot destined to become a fountain for the boat pond, and more aquatic blooms to order. My to-do list is so long it might actually be breeding. I’m almost okay with procrastinating. Almost.

And in the middle of all this? We got WiFi. For the first time in eight years. That’s right—Everpine & Petal has entered the modern age. I can now rest on the sofa and stream an audiobook without having to drive into town to download it. I can write without going to a coffee shop. I can submit essays. I already am. Some of what I’m writing, I’ll share here. Some I can’t yet. But the floodgates are open. The power’s on. And we’ve got a lot to catch up on.

So let’s start with all of that.
Let’s start here.